Comparing Relationships

Comparing Relationships

The Upside and Downside of Comparing Relationships. Upside: “It is absolutely normal” to compare your relationship to someone else’s, according to Dr Brian Doss of the University of Miami. He goes on to add that “It’s hard to know what a relationship ‘should’ or…

How To Apologize

How To Apologize

Knowing how to apologize can save relationships. The book “Five Languages of Apology’ (Chapman & Thomas, 2006) offers five steps to move toward healing relationship injuries. Chapman suggests that people have preferred ways of receiving apology messages, and that…

Relationship Injuries

Relationship Injuries

Don’t complain to me … It’s your own fault. What is a relationship injury? A relationship injury can occur for many reasons. Some reasons for relationship injury are when one or more individuals experience something in the relationship that leaves them with a perception…

Relationship ABC

Relationship ABC

Aroha and Ben could feel the sudden escalation (names have been changed). The same hot topic had reared its ugly head again. Both of them felt triggered. Each of them could feel the emotions from previous encounters begin to surface. Things were about to escalate. They had been here before. They were ready for battle.

Healing: Misconceptions and Tips

Healing: Misconceptions and Tips

Healing: Misconceptions and Tips
Most of us have experienced some kind of emotional injury. This injury could impact us as individuals, and also our relationships. Finding a way of healing injuries can help us move forward in a more positive way, and can save our relationships from ongoing pain.

Don’t Guess the Yes

Don’t Guess the Yes

Sexual Consent “Don’t guess the yes” When it comes to sex, world trends are moving toward what is called “affirmative consent”. What is affirmative consent? Some say it is a matter of common sense and respect. Let’s break it down to what affirmative consent is, and...

Are Men too Macho to Apologize???

Are Men too Macho to Apologize???

Do Women Over-Apologize??? If you think you hear women apologizing more than men, you are most likely right. Does this mean that men are too macho to apologize? Funnily, Schumann and Ross wondered the same thing, and their research came up with some interesting...

Kiwis Can-Do COVID

Kiwis Can-Do COVID

Three ways to support relationships through the ongoing COVID experience Our New Zealand team of five million seems mostly to have been able to navigate the COVID experience with a kiwi can-do attitude. We initially managed the short term uncertainty by moving into...

Where Did the Love Go

Where Did the Love Go

What happened to the ‘in love’ feeling?  When Tuakana and Samantha first got together their love seemed perfect and never ending. The conflict that had started to happen was leaving them both hurt and unhappy. According to Gottman (2014), relationships transition...

It is your fault

It is your fault

When a conflict arises, we sometimes look for an explanation of what is happening. In this process of finding an explanation we can become acutely aware of perceived offending actions or inactions of our partners.

In contrast, we can perceive our own actions as a response to their offending behaviour.