Do Women Over-Apologize???
If you think you hear women apologizing more than men, you are most likely right. Does this mean that men are too macho to apologize? Funnily, Schumann and Ross wondered the same thing, and their research came up with some interesting results.
Men aren’t vigorously avoiding acknowledging accountability. They just have a different scale of what they consider requires an apology. It seems that men do apologize when they think they have done something wrong. “It’s just that they think they’ve done fewer things wrong,” according to University of Waterloo Doctoral researcher, Karina Schumann. Men are not reluctant to acknowledge accountability. They just have a different view of what warrants an apology. Men are also less likely to judge themselves to be in need of an apology.
On the flip side, women were reported to consider more events to be in need of an apology process. Women apologize more. Women also see a need to be apologized to.
Men Vs Women…Who is Right?
There is no right, according to Schumann. When researchers compared the amount of male and female apologies, relative to the number of perceived injuries to the relationship, the outcomes were the same (Rettner, 2010). Schumann suggests that this difference creates an opportunity for communication about perceptions of events.
Healthy relationships are not about who is right. Healthy relationships can be about understanding each other, and having empathy for each other’s perspective. When there seems to be a difference in how things are viewed, it can be helpful to listen to each other, and try and understand from each other’s perspective. When there is an injury to a relationship, it can be helpful to move into further healing processes. Abuse is not ok from any perspective. If abuse is happening, seek help.
For support with listening tools and skills, and healing processes, please contact Jenny on 0275367464