Healing: Misconceptions and Tips

Most of us have experienced some kind of emotional injury. This injury could impact us as individuals, and also our relationships.

Finding a way of healing injuries can help us move forward in a more positive way, and can save our relationships from ongoing pain.

Part of our healing process is being able to let go of an injury, so we don’t continue to hold onto the pain.

“Understanding the principles” of letting go of the hurt “can help us find healing and peace” according to Lund (2018). Lund (2018) suggests five misconceptions, and five tips for healing.

Five Misconceptions:

  1. If I still remember the injury, healing hasn’t happened
  2. If I am open to healing from this hurt, I surrender the protection I have against those who hurt me.
  3. If I am open to healing, I am acknowledging that what happened was ok
  4. If I am on a healing process, I must allow the perpetrator of the hurt back into my life
  5. I can only heal if the perpetrator has changed their behaviour

Five Tips

  1. Work at your own pace
  2. Acknowledge that we are not perfect ourselves, and are also likely to be causing injuries to others, and to our relationships.
  3. Healing can be a spiritual process.
  4. Let it go
  5. Recognise that healing is a gift to ourselves.

The Five Misconceptions

1. If I still remember the injury, healing hasn’t happened

Our brains are programmed to remember in order for us to learn to be safe. There is a difference between momentarily recalling an injury, and dwelling on the event. When healing has happened, we are less likely to spend time analyzing the incident.

2. If I am open to healing from this hurt, I surrender the protection I have against those who hurt me.

Holding onto hurt can help us to feel secure. It can help us protect the injury. However, if we are constantly thinking about the injury, it might be like reopening the wound, and slowing the healing.

3. If I am open to healing, I am acknowledging that what happened was OK

To heal, it can be helpful to acknowledge that what happened was NOT OK, and that it caused pain.

4. If I am on a healing process, I must allow the perpetrator of the hurt back into my life

Healing and trust are not the same. While on our healing journey, we are also responsible to establish boundaries to keep ourselves safe.

5. I can only heal if the perpetrator has changed their behaviour

We can begin our healing journey regardless of whether the perpetrator has changed. Again, we are responsible to establish boundaries to keep ourselves safe. Many people need help to establish boundaries to keep themselves safe. This is part of the healing journey.

Five Tips For Healing

1. Work at your own pace

The thought of beginning a healing journey might be overwhelming. It is ok to work at our own pace. Healing might happen slowly.

2. Acknowledge that we are not perfect ourselves, and are also likely to be causing injuries to others, and to our relationships.

Some injuries have enormous impact on us. We might think/hope that we will never cause another person the amount of pain we are experiencing. It can still be helpful to be aware that we are not perfect, and we can contribute to injuries for others. At some point, we will hope for grace as we attempt to heal injuries we have contributed to.

3. Healing can be a spiritual process.

Accessing a spiritual power can help us have empathy for ourselves and also be aware of the impact the injury can have on the person who has caused the injury. Many people feel that drawing on spiritual power gives them the strength to heal and move on.

4. Let it go

Once the healing has happened, and we are experiencing the peace of healing, thoughts of the injury might continue to bubble up. When this happens, it can be helpful to remember that we have moved on, to say it aloud to ourselves, and let the memory go.

5. Recognise that healing is a gift to ourselves.

When we truly heal, we can find greater peace, and can become free from past burdens.


Relationship Support

If you would like support with personal or relationship healing, please contact Jenny at Courage Counselling at 0275367564 or contact me here.


Lloyd Lund, E. (2018). Forgiving Others: Misconceptions and Tips. Ensign. Retrieved from here.