Lightening the burden of Bishops

I recently read a book called “What You Feel You Can Heal, A Guide For Enriching Relationships”, by John Gray, Ph.D. This illustrated book is fantastic for those of us who like pictures.

It has practical ‘how to’ information – ‘how to’ re-connect in a relationship, and ‘how to’ be aware of tension that can numb emotion and lead to relationship disconnection.

The author suggests that “when we numb ourselves to undesirable emotions, we are also numbing our ability to feel positive emotions”. He identifies the numbing process as going through the four R’s. The four R’s are resistance, resentment, rejection, and repression. We can experience the four ‘R’s over a life time, or in a matter of seconds. The good news is that there are also ways we can dissolve tension and reconnect, so that we are able to experience positive emotion in the relationship again. Knowing about the four R’s can help us to be aware when they are happening, and also help us to choose to re-connect.

Jenny is an approved community resource used by LDS Family Services.

Jenny is an approved community resource used by LDS Family Services.

Bishops can refer couples with relationship issues to Sister Ensing.
All across New Zealand, married couples can be referred to Skype or phone counselling with an LDS counsellor.

Refer young (and old) married couples here.


Gray, John Ph.D. What You Feel, You Can Heal: A Guide for Enriching Relationships, (1993).

Jenny Ensing is a relationships counsellor supporting ecclesiastical leaders in church units throughout New Zealand.

Sister Ensing provides church members with the same marriage support resource as in larger wards. Bishops can refer member couples to receive relationship counselling by Skype.

Sister Jenny Ensing

Relationships Counsellor, NZAC